New recruit Hanatarou Yamada?
by Shuji Nonohana
Summary: This is bad. These women are treating me like.... I don't know! It was a bad Idea to clean the Shinigami Women's Association meeting room... Help me Please! HanatarouxHarem. More characters after the first chapter.
1. Chapter 1

1Hello. I'm writing this because of my belief that Hanatarou would look good next to ANY of the Shinigami women. I only like some of the pairings with the men(I'm not tellin' which).... and if I didn't include the ones I don't like, things would get complicated (trust me). So this is a Hanatarou/Harem story.

P.S. This is an alternate universe. The plot isn't advancing, and we all just assume that the story ended or is not going on at any point in this story. It would be taking place after the Ryoka arc, but it still includes the other characters from the story so far (or at least the story as far as I have read it, including the vizards and the arrancars).

'' Thoughts, "" Normal speech.

**DISCLAIMER!**: If I owned Bleach, I would've written a side manga featuring Gin Ichimaru as the Main Character (That means I don't own it).

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Chapter.... uh, one: Hanatarou's popularity.

It was another one of those days where Hanatarou just couldn't help but thinking, 'Why does this always happen to me?' Hanatarou was running away from a group of female Shinigami. Any other situation would be happy, fine, peachy keen, whatever. But this time.... Hanatarou's mistakes might've really gotten him killed.

On that particular day, Hanatarou had been given cleaning duty at the meeting place of the Shinigami Women's Association. He had been told by Unohana-taichou that it would probably be best if he cleaned there after they had left, but.... he had been a little nervous. 'Isn't this meeting place... the Kuchiki manor?' Hanatarou was nervous because this was where Rukia lived... but even more so, because this was where Byakuya lived! 'That man is a bit scary.... I'd like to avoid seeing him at all costs....' So, forgetting about the factor of what time it was, he immediately went into the inner reaches of the Kuchiki manor, where the meeting was being held. He entered the room to clean. But the meeting was still in session. All of the women turned their heads to the only male (?) In the room. "U-um, just in here for c-cleaning?"

Unohana reminded him, "I told you that it would be best to come after the meeting."

"U-um, yes, but..." Before he could speak anymore, a small ball (no pun intended) came rolling out of Hanatarou's sleeve. The ball explodes!!!!!!(Sorry, I just like explosions) And releases nauseous gas.

I couldn't really tell who was speaking... because of the gas.

"Hey, gas came out of his sleeve!"

"What happened?"

"Is he a spy?"

"Yes! A spy!"

"I don't care what he is, just kill him!"

I left absolutely no hints as to who was talking. But I DO know that only two or three people were talking.

And so....

That's way, throughout the Seireitei, Hanatarou was running for his life.... from women.

Off in the distance, two shinigami were standing on a roof.

"Hey, Yasochika, was it really alright to use the seventh seat like that?"

"No problems, Izuru. He makes an excellent decoy.

"That's not my point."

Soi Fong, Rangiku, Kiyone, Yachiru, and Nanao were chasing him. The only ones who didn't were Nemu, Unohana, and Isane. "It seems Hanatarou is in trouble..."

'Why does this always happen to me?' Kept playing through Hanatarou's head. He didn't know why, but they all thought that he was a spy from the Shinigami Men's Association. Because of a prank.

Soi Fong decided it was ridiculous to continue this chase... so she used Shunpo. She dashed out in front, and grabbed him by his shoulders. "Gah!" 'Oh no! I feel more bloodlust from them then I feel from the 11th company!'

"Who sent you?"

"U-um, I-I just, I m-mean...." Hanatarou faints.

When he wakes up, he finds himself tied to a chair. "Huh? W-where am I?"

Yachiru is sitting in a chair across from him in a dark room. "Mornin'!" She pulls out a sheet of paper and begins reading from it. "Interrogation. By Nanao and Soi Fong. Oops! I don't think I was supposed to read that part." She doesn't make much of an interrogator.... but successfully doing so will strengthen her position as President.

"First question: What were you doing there?"

"I-I was asked by Unohana-taichou to clean the room when you were done!"

"Okay, this sheet of paper says that if you give an answer like that..." Not a good interrogator, as I already said. "Question nine-hundred and seventy three...."

"Eh!? They actually came up with nine-hundred and seventy-two more possible second questions?"

"Why didn't you wait until we were done?"

"Because Byakuya-taichou scares me..."

"...... Question seventy-nine million six-hundred, ninety thousand, five-hundred, twenty-seven."

"Okay, you girls could not have come up with that many questions!"

"Are you gay?"

"No! (At least not in This fan fiction...)"

"Okay then... Question one hundred and ninety million..... point three."

"I'm sorry, but where did the decimal point come from!?"

"Are you not the weakest Shinigami in the Seireitei?"

Hanatarou didn't want to answer that question.

"Oh! There's a section on unanswered questions!" Yachiru was glad that she didn't actually have to wait for an answer to ask another question.

"Question -201,095,000,894.349871."

".... If I ask again, an even more unbelievable number is bound to show up."

"Don't worry Hana-chan! This is the last question... if answered correctly."

'Did she just say "Hana-chan"? Since when was that my nickname?' Since many people in fandom created it. And I use it freely.

"Are you a spy for the Shinigami Men's association?" That really should have been the first question she asked. This time we can blame the people who made this interrogation system for her to follow....

"The what's association?"

Yachiru looks at the score sheet. "You aren't a spy."

"Wha-?"

"Your score was.... remarkably low."

"What? I was being graded?"

Yachiru then pulls him into a parent-teacher conference scenario.

"W-what in the world?!"

Yachiru approaches Unohana-taichou. 'Wait, is Unohana-taichou supposed to be my parent?'

"Nope. The teacher."

"Eh!?"

Yachiru gave Retsu the score sheet. She said, "He scored a negative 5."

Yachiru protested, "Negative 5? What's so wrong with Negative 5?"

"We gave this same test to a plain old shovel..... and two candy bracelets."

"Aaaaand?"

"They scored a positive 17."

"Negative five, eh...."

"I'm putting his test scores up on the wall for everyone to see."

At the meeting room....

After looking at his test scores in the interrogation, the rest of the women confirmed that he wasn't a spy.

Nemu blankly stated, "Now that we know he isn't a spy, what do we do?"

Yachiru announced, "Since he is clearly involved with the affairs of this Association, he is the newest member of the Shinigami Women's Association!"

".......EHHHHHH!???" Hanatarou yelled! He was in a group... for Women?!

"But president! He is a male!" Nanao was trying to avoid saying "man" because.... well, because he's Hanatarou. "He can't be..."

"Sure he doesn't qualify as a girl... but he doesn't really qualify to be a guy either!"

Hanatarou just sobbed a little in the corner. But nobody in the room could object to that statement, for it made a lot of sense.

"All objected!" Nobody raised their hands. Hanatarou did, but he went unnoticed. "All approved!" Everyone but Hanatarou raised their hands.

"Then it's decided!"

"W-wait! What!?"

"And now three volunteers will.... I dunno! Do whatever! But with Hanatarou!"

Kiyone, Rangiku, and Yachiru herself raised their hands.

"What's gonna happen? What?"

The three of them drag him to the next room over, with the exact same thought in mind....

Rangiku said, "Something cute."

Kiyone said, "And since he's in the 4th company..."

Yachiru finished for her. ".... Something relating to medicine!"

"AHHhhhhhhhH!"

As Hanatarou was taken behind the door, his scream could be heard across the manor. Byakuya heard it. But he just said, "Hm." He didn't really think much of it.

Yachiru, Kiyone, and Rangiku brought out Hanatarou. He was.... in drag. He was dressed in a light pink, button down nurses uniform, complete with a little hat, long white socks, shoes, and to top it off.... the skirt was way too short.

Hanatarou was blushing so hard that he could swear that he felt blood coming out of his ears. "Ah... n-no, please d-don't look!" He said, as the women in the room had an :o face. Not because he was a male (not a man) in women's clothing, but because.... he looked so damn adorable in it. The way his hand tried to cover up what the skirt could not.... the way his fist was raised to his mouth.... the tears that had formed in his eyes. Even Unohana and Isane would have to admit that he looks cute.

Kiyone asks, "Hana-chan.... are you sure that you're not a girl?"

Hanatarou's face turned five more shades of red. He was breathing heavily. "I-I..... I.... I..."

Hanatarou faints.

Yachiru suggests that they take pictures. They all agree.

'Why does this always happen to me?'

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Well, how was the first chapter? Seeing as how this is a harem fanfic, It probably wont have a clear ending.... or an ending at all (for at least five years). I dunno... I just sorta think that Hanatarou would look good paired with anyone. I guess that I like seeing timid guys gettin' some. Timid people remind me of me. Only I hide that side of myself if discovery of that would get me teased. I especially like seeing Hanatarou with someone completely dominant... or aggressive. Or Innocent. Or Serious. Or Funny. Or quiet. Hell, everything!

The only one who wont like Hanatarou like "that" is Nemu. I like seeing her with Uryu. So pretty much every other Shinigami girl (plus Orihime, two of the Vizoreds, and maybe one Arrancar.... I know, I'm crazy) will be involved here.

See ya later! Please R&R so that I know I have readers!

PS, about that test joke... If you know where I took it, please don't be a spoilsport and tell everyone....


	2. FEAR

1My favorite main character is Renji Abarai. My Favorite antagonist is Gin Ichimaru. But my favorite side-character is Hanatarou Yamada!

Nowadays, chances in fanfiction are rarely given to side characters. Hanatarou is funny, and I like seeing his misadventures in fanfiction. So that's why, in lieu of stronger, cooler characters, I'm using Hanatarou, a timid, funny character (I've always been a comic man).

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Chapter 2... I think: Dawn of Fear.

Hanatarou now had a licence. It read:

Hanatarou Yamada. Male. Member of the Shinigami Women's Association. Rank: Grunt.

"Wait a minute? I've been given a rank?"

Yachiru nodded. "Mm-hm! Everyone started out with a rank! For example:"

Yachiru Kusajishi. Starting rank: President.

"I started out like that because I founded it!"

Nanao Ise. Starting rank: Vice-president.

"She's one of the smartest people here!"

Retsu Unohana. Starting rank: Supervising chairperson.

"She doesn't do a lot per se, but she is the most responsible!"

Nemu Kurotsuchi. Starting rank: Fashion Expert.

"Huh? Fashion expert?"

"She's the only person who managed to make her Kimono ride up like a mini-skirt! She's rising quickly though!"

"......"

Kiyone Kotetsu. Starting rank: Big Dreamer.

Kiyone objects! "Wait! What?"

"For starters, your dreams about Ukitake."

"....."

Isane Kotetsu. Starting rank: The Human Whisperer.

"..... Huh?"

"She's been having strange nightmares. Random events at Icchi's school have been predicted through her nightmares."

"......"

And, Rangiku Matsumoto. Starting rank: Poster girl.

"Hey!"

"Well, it's a step above Big Dreamer, which is higher than Grunt."

Hanatarou asks, "Wait! Where am I on the hierarchy?"

"The absolute lowest. The position in which anybody can tell you what to do."

"....."

Hanatarou didn't understand their hierarchy, nor did he understand why he had to be at the bottom of it, but one thing was for sure....

'I have the feeling that this will be WAY more dangerous than being hunted down by the Eleventh Company...'

Yachiru realizes she forgot something. "I forgot the documents in my room in the Eleventh Company! Grunt, go get them."

Hanatarou felt dead on the inside.... and he soon felt that he would also be dead on the outside as well. He just stood there for about an hour, paralyzed at the request he had received, before Nanao took off her glasses. Hanatarou fainted.

After Hanatarou fainted, he had a dream about him courageously making a mad dash into the Eleventh Company, hiding in multiple broom closets, and suffering a near fatal wound before making it to Yachiru's office. "Is this an office?" He looked around and saw a pink bed with very badly designed children's decorations on the walls. "It looks more like a little girl's bedroom..." Hanatarou found the documents on the table. He decided to rush back, but then he realized, "Why am I doing this in a dream? I can do whatever I want in a dream! But... If I don't listen, I'm gonna have to deal with the rage of the dream Yachiru fuku-taichou...." Even in his dreams... he's still a coward.

So Hanatarou tried to make a mad dash back, but he was cut off by the dream Kenpachi Zaraki. "Well, well! So you're the fourth company brat who's been running around?"

"N-no! I...."

"And breaking into a lieutenant's office? You've got serious guts kid..."

"N-no! It's just..." Then he remembered the condition he had been put under after the maid uniform incident. _"You cannot discuss any activity of the Shinigami Women's Association with any men."_ Although, Hanatarou did not consider Zaraki-Taichou a man, he considered him a monster with devil horns who cut off his own tail because it slowed him down in battle!

But that didn't stop Hanatarou. He was still fully convinced that he was dreaming. He took a clumsy fighting stance with his Zanpakuto. "I can't worry! In this dream, I can do it too!"

Two minutes later, an unidentifiable body was sent to the Fourth Company. All recognized who it really was. Five hours later, the Shinigami Women's Association came to visit a person covered in bandages. His face wasn't though. It was Hanatarou. "Thanks for coming... ouch. Why does my lower half feel worse than my upper? It feels like nobody put bandages there."

Both Isane and Unohana blushed, though Isane's was a bit more obvious. "..... nobody put bandages there, did they?" Both Isane and Unohana shook their heads.

"We're sorry, it's just that Harunobu-san and Yasochika-san are elsewhere, and we're both.... women..."

Hanatarou sighed relief, as he would die if any woman saw him like that....

"But we did have to take your clothes off to wash them..."

Hanatarou almost died. Almost.

About two days later, the treatment was complete, and Hanatarou gave the document to Yachiru. "What was in that document anyway?"

"Candy."

Everybody fell.

Later that day....

'This is an annoyingly long dream.... it's almost like a full day.' ..... Should I tell him? No, I'll wait a little.

"Hanatarou? Can you come to the kitchen for a second?"

At first, Hanatarou thought about who that was, and why she needed him, but then he thought that if he didn't hurry, that person would get mad and yell.

When Hanatarou went to the kitchen, he found that there were three new people in his presence.

"Rukia-san! Orihime-san! Hinamori Fuku-taichou!" Though he yelled, he was just surprised.

New recruits. But more on that later....

"Well, I'm disappointed, but this is only a dream. They can't really be here."

Nanao states, "Yes they can. This isn't a dream." There goes the punchline...

"Eh?! You mean to tell me that I went into the Eleventh Division for real?!" Zaraaaakiiiii.... "And the Captain might actually come back to kill me?!" The second punchline....

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How was the second chapter? It was WAY too short, but it's 3:00 in the morning, and I don't want to wait until tomorrow to come up with a better ending. And the fans of this must be eager for new material. Once again, I think crazy thoughts, but If I don't, who will?


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